I was dancing gently into a hole

I was dancing gently into a hole, when along came the cat. It was coloured with crazy neon ‘shattered glass’ paintwork, and it was exploding in a strange way. I fell into the hole in amusement. When I picked myself up, I morphed into a purple spotty elephant and went on a stomping spree. The morphing was pretty weird. My nose squeezed out and lengthened. My legs spurted out. There were yellow sparks dancing in my face and knocking me out. When I came to, I was made of steel and copper, and I looked like a sparkly poop. I danced, and sang…

“ I am a poop

I can swim a loopdy loop

I fell in a hole

And my favvy fish is sole

I like to waste my time

By making thingies rhyme.”

I fell down a thousand foot drop. Million. Kazillion. I just kept on falling and falling and falling. As I fell, I shrank. At last I was only three inches high and landed on a white rabbit. I sang gently to him:

“And did those feet, in ancient time,

Walk upon England’s slimy mud?

And were the boots, that Joseph wore,

Stuck and never did come out?

I may be stuck, until I die,

Or step so forth in stocking’d feet

But still I always will press on

At least until I get stuck feet.”

I fell off the White Rabbit and rolled into a dark corner. It was pitch black. I could not see. I could only hear- and smell. Pooh! Trust me to get the skunk!

“Darkness all around

Terror slowly rising

Falling on the ground

Disintergraterising

Whoa-ho-ho!

What an awful smell!

GET THAT SKUNK OUTTA HERE!”

The skunk flew out of the nonexistent window, and vanished from view. Almost at once, a three-inch-lion rushed up and fixed a small speck of dust to the skunk. Then he too vanished.

“I wonder why he left a hungry pack of man-eating dogs here?” I muttered. “BN BN (doo doo, doo doo doo) BN BN (doo doo doo doo) BN BN (doo doo, doo doo doo, doo doo doo, doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo)”

The dogs leapt up at me. “Oh, no! I think they like BN’s! Well, here goes………”

I leapt up and soared out of the unreal window. “So long, suckers!” I cackled. “Uh oh, mountain…

“Hungry dogs behind,

Mountain up ahead,

Swerve to either side,

If you want to keep your head

Oo-oo-oops!

SPLATTAMMO!”

I fell into a deep sleep -_-. Then I woke up ‘-‘. Then I got angry `-‘. The pig ate the pie, greedy piggy! That must have been what I was so very angry about `-‘.

WE INTERRUPT THIS STUPID STORY TO BRING YOU THIS ADVERTISMENT

PIGGY PIE!

Made by piggies, for piggies, with piggies!

FUN FUN FUN FOR YOUR PIGGY-WIGGIE’S TUM!

Now we return to the story. If you can call it a story.

I leapt up onto the tall, needle-pinpointed-sharp rocks, just before they were engulfed in the swirling, bubbling cocoa below me! ‘Good grief,’ I commented as we were sucked down between the spinning drink and little bits of cocoa that had refused to dissolve.

‘Does my bum look big in this?’

It was Rilcahalcoall, also being sucked down.

‘Oh, no. I think it’s quite a dinky little dress. But you are male, you know.’

‘Why does that affect me? Oh, I get it. You’re just teasing me. Fine.’

I ate the stolen magic cookie and Rilcahalcoall vanished from sight and smell. Almost as bad as the skunk.

‘Oh Rilcahalcoall,

You think you can beat me,

But I get far higher,

When it comes to we,

Oh Rilcahalcoall,

You’re so dumb,

And what’s more you have the biggest,

Most enormous BUM!’

‘So it did look big- ig-ig-ig-ig-ig-ig-ig-ig-ig-ig-ig-ig-ig’ moaned Rilcahalcoall.

“YES!!!!!”

I yelled.

Which says it all, really.

So here I am, cold, wet, soggy nosed and no toilet. I tried peeing in the river, but then the fish came in the night and peed on me…

WE INTERRUPT THIS STUPID STORY TO INFORM YOU-

‘Having a load of fish pee on you is no fun.’

NOW BACK.

*boo*

I flew fast and straight off the cliff! I flared just In Time to Miss the Soft Pillow and Crash into a Hard Steel Pole (ITMSPCHSP for short).

The pole fell with an EnOrMoUs THUDDA LUDDA! We had to pick it up, but we didn’t because it was too much like work.

And who are we? Me and Mr. Elephant Stew. Together, we fight. We fight teachers, homework and schools everywhere. But who am I to complain *shrugs shoulders*? Anything’s bad enough for me.

I fell off the enormous cliff. ‘Here we go again’ I remarked. A HUGE sweetie appeared, hanging just in front of me and spinning round and round, showing me its succulent sides *slurp*, its gentle walls and delicious… wonderful… *slobber*…

‘YAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!’ I screamed. I Spread my Wings and Landed with a Soft Explosion right In the Middle of a Crowded Hall Full of Controllers who were Trying to Kill me Because I Could Morph Into A Sparkly Poop Made Out Of Steel And Copper who Sings Pointless Songs and is an Idiot in Itself (SWLSEIMCHFCTKBICMIASPMOOSACSPSII for short.)

I ran away and swooped over the head of an Iglimonus Chartacoola. I wheeled away from him and in my hurry did another SWLSEIMCHFCTKBICMIASPMOOSACSPSII. I was not very happy. I was even less happy when I fell into a jelly and was eaten by Assistant Principal Chapman.

It was very yukky inside his stomach. I sat there SAYING over AND over AGAIN ‘Wibble wobble, wibble wobble, jelly on a plate. Wibble wobble, wibble wobble, which one do you take?’

HE TOOK ME!!!!!!!!!!! ‘YAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!’ I screamed. ‘ZIGGLE ZOGGLE, ZIGGLE ZOGGLE, BISCUITS IN A TIN, GET ME OUTTA HERE, I DON’T WANNA STAY IN!

I fell out- FROM THE WRONG END! I was falling towards the cocoa...

[HEY! THAT HAPPENED BEFORE!]

[I WANT MY MONEY BACK!]

~Now, people...~

*crash, bang, wallop*

~YOW!~

$Look out, he's got a chainsaw!$

*bzzzzzp*

*urk*